"Hmm?" Song Tangning paused, looking up with a bit of confusion. "What do you mean?"
"You can’t have missed the reason Madam Fu visited today," Xiao Yan said, lowering his gaze to her. "The Fu family is a reputable household..."
"The Fu family is indeed very good," Song Tangning replied nonchalantly.
She was sitting by his side, legs curled up, leaning lazily against the low table while tugging at the oversized sleeves of her borrowed robe. Her casual posture and unconcerned tone made Xiao Yan’s probing question catch in his throat. His chest tightened as he listened to her sweet, soft voice.
"Madam Fu is kind and benevolent, and the Fu family is a prominent and respectable lineage. I’ve met the young master of the Fu family before—he’s an upright and promising man. With the backing of Chancellor Cao and the late patriarch of the Fu family, who is now enshrined in the ancestral temple, as long as the Fu family doesn’t falter and the young master continues to excel, they’ll surely enjoy prosperity for three generations."
Xiao Yan’s fingers curled slightly. Though he had initiated this conversation, hearing her speak so highly of the Fu family left him with an inexplicable heaviness in his chest.
He shifted his gaze away from her. "So... are you interested in the Fu family?"
Song Tangning shook her head gently. "No."
Propping her chin on her sleeve, she lightly tapped the bronze incense burner on the table with her finger. Her voice dropped to a near whisper as her lashes lowered.
"No matter how good the Fu family is, they aren’t what I want."
Once, she had loved a man with all her heart, entrusting him with her life and future. She had believed that if she treated him well enough, she would receive the same in return, convinced their love was mutual. But in the end, she realized it was all one-sided. She gave everything, only to be discarded, despised, and left to wither away in an abandoned courtyard.
Now, she didn’t believe there was anything wrong with herself.
Tangning turned her head to look at Xiao Yan beside her, a faint dimple appearing as she smiled sweetly.
"A woman doesn’t have to marry. Look at Sister Qin—she doesn’t rely on a man, and yet she lives freely and gracefully, earning respect no less than any man. I don’t want to confine myself to the back courtyard, waiting day after day for a husband to return home. I don’t want to spend my life entangled in petty household matters."
"Big Brother, did you know? I have ambitions too. I want to manage the academy well, just like Sister Qin, doing what I’m capable of. If one day people speak of me as the Head of the Academy instead of just the daughter of the Song family, I believe my grandfather, even in his grave, would be immensely proud."
The Fu family was excellent, and Madam Fu was kind. They would never mistreat her like the Lu family had. But even so, they wouldn’t allow a woman to step into the public eye, to achieve accomplishments like a man.
Perhaps because she had once been foolish, Tangning no longer held any illusions about romance. She didn’t want to tie her future to an uncertain marriage.
Resting her chin on her arm, she gazed softly at Xiao Yan. "Big Brother, I don’t want to marry. Can I stay in Jiyun Alley and keep you company forever?"
Xiao Yan, unable to marry or have children due to his condition, was someone she felt comfortable around.
She, with no interest in romance or marriage, thought staying by her brother’s side would be a perfect arrangement.
Hearing her praise the Fu family tightened Xiao Yan’s chest, but when she said she didn’t wish to marry into the Fu family, his heart eased. However, as she sprawled lazily in front of him, her carefree demeanor reminded him of a harsh reality. Even when she asked to stay with him forever, he felt no joy. He knew that in her eyes, he was merely an elder brother with physical limitations.
To her, he was just a eunuch—an incomplete man, someone she could be uninhibited around.
Her lack of propriety—barefoot, wet-clothed, exposing her wrists, and leaning on him so casually—stemmed from the fact that she had never seen him as a normal man.
Xiao Yan found it bitterly ironic. His emotions were in turmoil, yet the girl in front of him remained completely oblivious. A wave of frustration washed over him.
"Tangning," he said suddenly, his voice deep and edged with something unspoken. "I am a man."
Song Tangning froze, startled, as Xiao Yan leaned in abruptly. The composed and aloof man suddenly closed the distance between them, his sharp gaze fixed intently on her. His nose was almost touching hers, and his sword-like eyes carried an oppressive weight.
"Do you know what it would mean for others if you stayed by my side?" he asked, each word falling heavily, his breath brushing against her lips.
"Even eunuchs can take a wife."
Tangning’s pupils contracted in shock.
She had known Xiao Yan for years. No matter how harsh or cold he was to others, he had always treated her gently, never once crossing any boundaries. He had never been this close to her before. Now, with their faces mere inches apart, their breaths mingling, she was enveloped in the faint scent of pine and blood from him.
Only then did she realize how much taller he was than her. When his gentleness vanished, his presence became almost predatory, like a beast poised to strike, leaving her heart pounding in fear.
He easily encompassed her within his shadow, his presence completely overwhelming.
Terrified by the sudden change, Tangning instinctively leaned back to escape, but Xiao Yan grabbed her waist and pressed her down against the couch.
Her face turned pale with fright, and her voice trembled as she whispered, "Big Brother..."
Her hands rested on his chest, trembling slightly.
As Xiao Yan held her close, his heart surged with unrestrained emotion, teetering on the edge of losing control. For a brief moment, he wanted to abandon reason entirely. But when he heard her voice, tinged with the threat of tears, his expression faltered, and clarity returned to his eyes.
He let go abruptly.
Tangning scrambled away, quickly putting distance between them. She shoved him hard and, without looking back, bolted for the door, her steps hurried and unsteady.
"Tangning..." Xiao Yan called after her, regret lacing his voice.
She stopped at the doorway but didn’t turn around.
Slumping against the couch, Xiao Yan’s face darkened. After a moment, he pressed hard against his injured waist, his complexion turning ashen. His voice was low and hoarse as he called out, "Tangning, it hurts."
Tangning’s heart clenched. "If it hurts, go find Sister Qin."
Xiao Yan’s voice softened even further. "Little Tangning..."
His weak, labored breathing gave her pause. Though her feet were just steps from the threshold, it felt impossible to take another step. After hesitating for a moment, she turned back and saw him slumped on the couch, pale and clutching his waist. Blood seeped through his fingers, staining them red.
Tangning was furious yet helpless. She glared at him with puffed cheeks, trying to muster her resolve, but eventually bit her lip and walked back, stopping a few steps away.
Xiao Yan’s gaze softened. "Don’t be scared. I was teasing."
Tangning studied him carefully. Seeing the faint amusement in his eyes, she stomped her foot in anger. "Big Brother, how can you joke about something like that?!"
For a moment earlier, she had truly thought he meant it.
Xiao Yan, realizing he had frightened her, sighed and softened his tone. "I didn’t mean to scare you. I was just joking."
"You call that a joke?!" Tangning fumed, her cheeks flushed with a mix of anger and embarrassment. Her mind replayed the moment he had loomed over her, and she felt both furious and flustered.
"If you do this again, I’ll really get mad!" she warned, stomping her foot again.
Xiao Yan winced as he pressed a hand to his reopened wound, grimacing slightly. "See what happens when I tease you? Now my wound’s reopened."
Despite her anger, Tangning’s concern won out. She rushed to check on his injury, her earlier wariness melting away. Still fuming, she muttered under her breath, complaining about his recklessness.
Xiao Yan looked at her tenderly. This girl, despite all she had been through, remained as trusting and easy to deceive as before.
One word from him, and she would believe it.
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You can read ahead to chapterr 300 (100+ extra chapters) here
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