Song Jinxiu was left speechless by the questions. He had never paid much attention to this half-sister from a different branch of the family, nor had he ever cared about her past. Yet, he still couldn't understand.
If it was resentment born from neglect, Song Qin had already been exiled, and the Song family had no future. Why did she still want to drive them to their doom?
Song Jinxiu looked at her: "I know the family hasn't treated you well in the past, and Third Uncle was never kind to you, but after all, he is your father..."
"But I never wanted this father."
Perhaps it was the first time she had spoken these words to someone, Song Ru's eyes were filled with complexity.
She looked up at her elder brother, who had always been so high and mighty, and saw his confusion. Suddenly, she understood why her elder sister disliked him so much.
He was too self-righteous.
He had never put himself in others' shoes.
Song Ru's face showed a hint of mockery: "Elder Brother, you are the eldest legitimate son of the Song family, the beloved eldest grandson of our grandmother. You came into this world with everyone's expectations. But I am not. Since I was young, the most I've heard are my father's curses and resentment towards me."
"He despises me for being unworthy, for lacking talent and beauty, for being just like my lowly mother, ruining his career and becoming his stain. He resents that even though my mother died, why did I survive?"
"But what did I do wrong? What did my mother do wrong?"
The frail girl spoke softly, but every word pierced the heart.
"My mother's family fell into misfortune, and to survive, she had no choice but to sing in the brothels. But she was a clean performer, different from the other women there."
"She saved money, hoping to buy her freedom and leave the capital, to start a small business and marry a man who wouldn't mind her past, to live as a respectable wife. But then she met Song Qin."
"It was Song Qin who forced himself on my mother. He was drunk and did something foolish, and when he was caught, to protect his reputation, he forcibly took my mother into the family."
"My mother was used as a pawn by the Song family's political enemies. He used my grandfather, who was on the verge of death, to force my pregnant mother to act with him, turning his beastly act into a scandal of being seduced by a brothel girl."
"My mother was vilified and buried in a straw mat when she died. But what about him? He remained the Third Master of the Duke's household, living his luxurious life. Why does he deserve to live well?"
Song Ru had always been timid and cowardly. She dared not speak, dared not defy, and even dared not look people in the eye. She was like a mouse hiding in the shadows, desperately trying to stay hidden to survive.
But perhaps her elder sister had given her courage, or perhaps she no longer wanted to endure.
At this moment, Song Ru spoke of those things with unusual calm: "When I was young, I never understood why Song Qin never looked at me, even though I was also a child of the Song family. It wasn't until I, full of admiration, wanted to call him 'Father' like Song Yuanzhi did, that he slapped me across the face and pointed at my five-year-old self, saying that a bastard like me wasn't worthy of calling him 'Father.' That was when I realized I was different from everyone else in the Song family."
"After that, for a long time, I couldn't hear well. Because of this, I offended the old lady, who had rarely shown me kindness, and he had me beaten again. He said the Song family had no place for a lowly creature like me, that I was just as despicable as my mother. Then I lay in bed for three months."
She looked at Song Jinxiu's increasingly pale face and smiled softly. Her small face was delicate, with a pointed chin and large eyes, looking nothing like Song Qin.
"When I was young, I didn't understand. I kept getting beaten. Later, I learned to behave, and the beatings became less frequent. I just went hungry, sneaked into the kitchen to warm myself by the stove when it was cold, and endured my illnesses alone, surviving like an unkillable cockroach."
"Later, I met someone who had been in the brothel with my mother. That was when I understood why Song Qin hated me so much. Because as long as I lived, he would have to face his own beastly past over and over again. Because as long as I lived, he would remember my mother, whom he had killed, and the ridicule he faced for his scandalous behavior."
"He is the Third Master of the Song family, a noble of the Duke's household. How could he be at fault? So the fault had to lie with my mother, the brothel girl, and the bastard child who shouldn't have survived..."
"Ah Ru!"
Song Jinxiu suddenly shouted, his face pale from the word "bastard."
He wanted to say it wasn't like that, that she wasn't as wretched as she described herself. But facing Song Ru's clear, innocent eyes, his throat dried up, and he couldn't say a word.
He had never known these things. He only knew that Third Uncle didn't like this half-sister, that her background wasn't glorious, and that Song Ru was timid and rarely appeared in public.
He had seldom seen Song Ru in other parts of the residence. During festivals, she was absent, and when asked, Third Uncle would simply dismiss it with, "Don't bother with her."
"You... could have come to me..." Song Jinxiu's voice was hoarse.
"I did."
Song Ru smiled. "That year, on your birthday, I brought you a gift I had painstakingly carved. You gave me a jade ring and casually handed the little wooden tiger I carved to Song Yuanzhi. Then she tripped and cut her head on the carving, and Third Lady made me kneel in the courtyard for two days and nights."
"Later, you came to find Song Jinnan, and when you passed by the courtyard, you saw me kneeling. Song Jinnan said I had hurt Song Yuanzhi, so you frowned and scolded me, telling me to get along with my sisters and not cause trouble. Then you left with Song Jinnan."
Song Ru's smile was particularly piercing: "You are the noble legitimate son, and I am the lowly illegitimate daughter. If I went to you, I would dirty your eyes and sully your place."
Song Jinxiu's throat tightened, and his face grew paler. He wanted to say something, but anything he said would be wrong.
He vaguely remembered seeing her kneeling. The little girl had looked up, tears in her eyes, pitiful. But Song Jinnan had said she had hurt Song Yuanzhi, and Third Aunt had only made her kneel for a short while.
He hadn't known that the "short while" was two days and nights.
"I didn't know. If I had known..."
"If you had known, what could you have done?"
Tang Ning looked at Song Jinxiu's hesitant, crumbling demeanor and felt nothing but disgust.
He always said he didn't know, but even if he had known, what could he have done? Would he have punished Song Yuanzhi for Song Ru's sake, or would he have confronted Third Uncle for the sake of a half-sister from another branch?
What he would have done was offer a few words of advice, then gently told Song Ru to endure the injustice and keep the peace, just as he had done with her and Song Shulan.
His heart had always been biased.
Tang Ning looked at Song Jinxiu with mockery: "Master Song has always lived in an ivory tower. But for you to come and talk to Ah Ru about blood ties and family bonds, isn't that a bit laughable?"
"You sent your own parents and relatives into exile, stepping over them to stay in the court. Ah Ru merely used some silver to sever those blood ties. In terms of ruthlessness, she can't compare to you, Master Song."
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